New Year… New Perspective…
I really suspect I have Dysthymia… but I got myself in a crappy situation here.
If I do have it, I got a valid excuse for being depressed for so many years…… but it doesn’t change a thing about my life… i won’t tell friends or family since my pride won’t allow it, simply I don’t want to get any sympathy.
If I don’t have it, I need to find ways to make myself happy again and I don’t want to give myself any excuse for being depressed ever again.
A
Started looking at some Buddhism notes again.
The Nature of Suffering
the noble truth of suffering:
No wonder i am always depressed. (of course i have no control over the first 4, so I am suffering with the other 4.)
Two thoughts circling in my head at the moment.
1. Work Or PhD?
2. Losing Weight
The 2nd one is relatively easier to control……All I need to do is just Eat less and Exercise more!
The Golden Rule in Weight Loss (The only thing I was interested in when I was sitting in the series of Psychology lectures about eating disorders)
Weight Loss = Increase Output + Decrease Input
It is very simple, but it is too simple for people to believe.
The 1st one is a lot harder to decide.
Since i have finished my honours degree, now I am tossing up between doing a PhD straight away or work and earn some money for the next 2 years.
I know eventually i need to do a PhD ….but should I get some working experience under my belt first?
Thinking…thinking…..thinking……..
A
It was valentine’s day….got me thinking…….Why is it so hard to fall in and out of love at the right time?
Is it because we humans are too selfish? or too ignorant to hold on to it?
Came across the piece of writing…….I am afraid that I am turning into a “bad guy” in a more painful way than I wish.
…………………………………………………………..
一個壞男人其實以前也曾是一個好男人
一個好男人經過多少不如意之後他會變成壞男人
好男人的定義是甚麼??
壞男人的定義是甚麼??
網路上有個文章你可以參考看看…
你會知道
男人其實本不壞
十歲以前，他什麼都不懂，就不說了。
十三、四歲的時候，開始對女孩有好感，但是那時候他離女孩遠遠的，並且以討厭女孩自居，生怕被同伴嘲笑。
十五歲的時候，聽到大人們說某某男人好花，把女朋友甩了，女孩自殺了。
他覺得這人真狠毒，自己將來一定要做個癡情的男人，一定要一生只愛一個人。
十六歲的時候，他喜歡上了一個女孩，但是他不敢和她說。仍然和往常一樣，臟兮兮的在灰土飛揚的操場上踢球。只在女孩走出校門的時候，躲在二層的窗戶上看她的背影，他覺得她一定是個天使。
十七歲的時候，有個女孩喜歡上了他，但是他離她很遠，心裏面只有自己那個女孩，他覺得看別的女孩都是對她的不忠。
十八歲的時候，看了一個MTV，感動得想哭；他想，如果自己的女孩失去了雙眼，他一定會像男主角會毫不猶豫的把自己的眼睛給她，讓她能看到光明。
十九歲的時候，高考了。終於和自己暗戀的女孩分別，坐火車去學校的時候，感覺自己離她越來越遠，心像被掏空了一樣。還在想自己一定不會忘記她，等到自己成功以後一定要去找她。
二十歲的時候，聽到有人講黃色笑話，覺得這人真可恥。
二十一歲的時候，她的回信中告訴他，自己有了男朋友。他為此偷偷的哭了一個晚上。
二十二歲的時候，他向一個女孩表白，女孩說：「你是個好人，可是我還小。」他想，我的確是個好人，然後他說：「沒關係，我可以等妳。」
心想，我不會像那些花心的人一樣，三年五年我也能等。
二十三歲的時候，聽說自己還小的女孩跟一個帥哥戀愛了。他很納悶，長大原來可以這樣快。
二十四歲的時候，他又向一個女孩表白，女孩說：「你是個好人，可是我並不適合你。」他納悶很久，我是好人，妳怎麼還不適合我呢？
二十五歲的時候，他又追求一個女孩，女孩接受了他。他開始很幸福的為未來拼搏，他想，一時的開心只是暫時的，只有努力拼搏，他和她才能有快樂的未來，但是，半年以後，女孩和他分手了，只是因為另外一個男孩會說讓她開心的話。女孩說：「你是個好人，是我對不起你。」
至此，他似乎明白了問題所在－－他是個好人！
二十六歲的時候，他開始墮落。打扮得時尚而酷，而且漸漸的學習著討好女孩的話。不久，他有了個女朋友，雖然他對她也很好，可是，他心裏知道，自己並不愛。
二十七歲的時候，他和女孩分手了。他對女孩說：「妳是個好女孩，是我對不起妳。」
二十八歲的時候，他嘗試了一夜情，發現別人能做的，自己也一樣。
二十九歲的時候，他學會了講黃色笑話，並且以看旁邊的女孩子臉紅為樂趣。
三十歲的時候，他忽然發現自己變得很有能力追求到女孩，但是卻沒有了愛的能力。
其實每個男孩，本來都是想做一個感情專一的好男人的。
其實每個男人，本來看女孩子都是看臉而不是身材。
其實每個男人，本來都是不會講黃色笑話的。
其實每個男孩，本來都是渴望愛一個人直到永遠的。
只是，沒有任何女孩愛這樣的男孩，她們覺得這樣的男孩太幼稚，太古板，沒有情趣。
於是男孩開始改變，變成女孩喜歡的那種 嘴角掛著壞壞表情。
開始學會說甜言蜜語而不是心裏想說的話。
開始學會假裝關心，學會給女孩送小飾物討好她，學會如何追求，如何把握愛情。
或者看破紅塵，遊戲情場，成為女人恨恨的那種男人。
他們可以很容易俘獲女孩子的心，但是他們也會在黑的夜裏叼著煙流淚。
心裏有愛的時候，沒有女孩；有了女孩，卻永遠沒有了愛的感覺！
當男人聽到女人抱怨世上沒有一個好男人時候，他們不會再去努力做個好男人，只是微笑著擦肩而過。
所以我的結論就是…
當你的身邊出現一個對感情傻酣酣…也許生活沒有情趣…
也許嘴巴不甜…也許囉嗦…也許長得不出色…也許對於自己感情執著
對於愛情充滿憧憬的男人
請不要再傷害他們…請不要再抱怨天底下的好男人都死哪去了
因為….他們出現時妳們不曾珍惜過……
……………………………………………………………………………………..
Al
It is one of those random clips that can make your day. Music, Lego, Star Wars… so cute!
Can you make observations about yourself?
When you are observing yourself thinking….what do you see?
I was talking to a friend and i came up with a twisted interpretation of Freud:
Id wants Sex……
Superego is saying “friends with benefits is bad and it will hurt the girl”….
What does Ego say?
“Make sure you sleep with a girl who wants sex and will not get hurt by you!”
fairly accurate……I think.
The 2007 Winners of Ig Nobel Prize Who Made us Laugh and Think
Scientists of the research projects that “first make people laugh, and then make them think” were awarded with Ig Nobel Prize.
The 17th ceremony of Ig Nobel Prize or also called Improbable Research took place at Harvard’s Sanders Theatre on Thursday night, October 4. The Ig Nobel Prizes that are parodies of the real Nobel Prizes, are awarded annually to celebrate unusual, creative and improbable achievements in science, medicine and technology. Some of these inventions may seem weird and hilarious nevertheless they are truly breakthroughs in science.
Medicine
Brian Witcombe of Gloucester, UK, and Dan Meyer of Antioch, Tennessee, USA, was awarded for the in-depth report that analyzed “Sword Swallowing and Its Side Effects”.
Biology
Dutch researchers Prof. Dr. Johanna E.M.H. van Bronswijk of Eindhoven University of Technology, The Netherlands was applauded for the study of all the insects, bacteria, fungi, shellfish, mites, ferns and other living things that sleep with us each night.
Physics
L. Mahadevan of Harvard University, USA, and Enrique Cerda Villablanca of Universidad de Santiago de Chile, were awarded for finding the key to how sheets become wrinkled.
Chemistry
Japanese scientist Mayu Yamamoto of the International Medical Center of Japan managed to extract a vanilla fragrance and flavor from cow dung.
Nutrition
Brian Wansink of Cornell University, once questioned the limits of human appetite and studied the topic by feeding people with a self-refilling, bottomless bowl of soup.
Literature
Australian woman scientist Glenda Browne of Blaxland, Blue Mountains made a significant contribution studying the word “the” and resolving many resolve issues regarding it, such as when you try to put things into alphabetical order.
Linguistics
Juan Manuel Toro, Josep B. Trobalon and Núria Sebastián-Gallés, of Universitat de Barcelona won international recognition by demonstrating that rats sometimes cannot distinguish if person is speaking Japanese backwards Dutch backwards.
Peace
The team from The Air Force Wright Laboratory, Dayton, Ohio developed a “gay bomb” -the chemical weapon that is aimed at enemy soldiers who will become sexually attracted to each other after the attack of this weapon.
Aviation
Three scientist from Argentina Patricia V. Agostino, Santiago A. Plano and Diego A. Golombek of Universidad Nacional de Quilmes found that Viagra is useful to hamsters helping them recover from jetlag.
Economics
A researcher from Taiwan who didn’t appear on the ceremony, was awarded for inventing a tool able to catch robbers by putting a net over them.
Interesting article from somewhere.
大學時期曾經讀過一本西方國家出版的照片分析的書，知道一個人的左右兩邊的臉常常是不同的。當時書中以美國總統尼克森為例，他的左右兩邊的差異很大，幾乎 不像是同一個人的臉。分析的結論認為他的心理有很大的問題，行事亦正亦邪陰晴不定，所以出現水門案也就不足為奇。當時除非自己有暗房，這種把照片分為左臉 和右臉的分析工作，只能想想，根本不能動手自己做。
平時我們的臉上有著各種不同的表情，而且講話時不停的動，許多細微的部份很難觀察。但是攝影可以擷取某一瞬間的形像，定了格的臉比不停運動的臉能夠透露出更多的訊息。現代電腦科技發達，還可以將定了格的相片進行處理，做更深入的分析和觀察。
第 一次使用 Photoshop 軟體時，就迫不及待的拿張照片進行分析。有了這種工具之後，照片的分析就變成非常方便的事了。幾分鐘就可以從一張大頭照，衍生出一張左臉照和一張右臉照 來。所謂左臉照，就是利用電腦軟體，切下大頭照的左半邊臉，再利用翻轉的功能，將左半邊臉轉成右臉，貼回原來的照片，則新的照片，左右兩邊都是左半邊臉的 影像，稱為左臉照。用同樣的方法，再創造一張右臉照。再把原來的照片放在中間，左右臉的照片放在左右兩側，就很方便比對左右臉的差異。
左臉和右臉氣質不同的意義
大 多數人左右臉的氣質都會有一些不同，有一邊會較另一邊順眼，自己照鏡子或面對別人時，都會選擇性的只看那半張較和善美麗的臉，而看不見另外半張較不順眼的 臉。如果差異很大時，最多只會感覺這個人的臉好像不太正，而看不出其氣質的差異。通常同一個人的這種差異會隨著年齡的日漸增長而愈來愈明顯，根據多年觀察 的經驗，差異愈大的人，其內心想的和外在表現的性格差異就愈大。這種差異會形成長期的心理壓力，使臉部的左右失去平衡，差異的大小和壓力成正比。
經過重新製作的左右臉，會強化原來隱藏其中的一些特點。其氣質會明顯展現出來。例如，在我自己的左邊眉毛上方有一個凹痕，由於右邊沒有，所以平常不明顯，但是當兩張左臉放在一起時，就會左右都出現一個凹痕，看起來有點像皺紋，整張左臉看起來就帶了一點憂鬱的表情。
根據經驗，大多數男人左邊的臉和女人右邊的臉，都是比較不開心的（也有少數相反的）。通常我們只會看到看起來比較順眼的那半張臉，所以我們比較常看到男人右邊的臉和女人左邊的臉，卻很少看到男人的左臉和女人的右臉，形成了隱藏著的半張臉。
不但別人只會看到我們半張臉，我們自己也一樣，照鏡子時只看到那半張順眼的臉。第一次看到自己左右兩張臉的人，多數都很驚訝自己有半張非常陌生的臉。那張比較順眼的臉，則由於去除了不對稱的一半，顯得好看多了。可是那張不順眼的臉則比原始的臉難看了許多。
我 比較喜歡用數字錄影機取景，讓對方從不笑開始微笑，拍下整個過程，再取其在將笑未笑瞬間的影像，這樣最能顯現一個人兩個完全不同的氣質。通常剛開始笑時， 不會兩邊的嘴角同時上揚，開始時一定是一邊先朝上，另一邊不動或朝下，就取下這個景像，這樣做成的左右兩張臉將會出現一張笑臉和一張沒有表情或是哭喪的 臉，兩種不同的氣質差異最大。
左右臉的氣質顯現了一個人顯性和隱性的兩種不同性格，也可以說一張是意識的臉，另一張是潛意識的臉。通常自 己和旁人都比較熟悉顯性的性格。隱性的性格有時候連自己都不熟悉。左右臉的氣質差異愈大，性格愈不穩定，愈難相處。左右臉相差很大的人，整體而言生活得並 不開心，這種差異愈大愈不開心。
有一個朋友，平時相處很隨和，從外表看，是一個性格隨和的人，但是經照片分析之後，才發現他隱藏著半張極度精明的臉。原來他外表的瀟灑和隨和不是本性，實際上是個斤斤計較的人，平常的點點滴滴都記在心裏，有一天為了一點小事，把所有的帳一鼓腦的發了出來，就翻臉了。
一個同事結婚的前幾天，才把未婚妻的照片讓我分析，那是我看過最不對稱的照片，兩張照片幾乎看不出是在同一個人的臉上。由於婚期太近了，我什麼話也不能說，結果這位妻子果然讓這個同事吃盡了苦頭。
隱 藏著的半張臉才是一個人真正心裏的情緒，雖然平常那半張臉一直都顯露在外面，但是大多數人就是看不到，也許某些直覺很強的人，或具有特殊的能力，在看人 時，才會發現那半張臉。由於多年以來習慣用這個方式看人，常常有人找我看健康時，有時候我的第一句話會是『你怎麼這麼不開心』，我已經習慣看人時只看半張 臉，左右臉分開來看。
通常我們照相時，都會微笑，因此，顯相的一半多數是笑臉，另一半則會顯出各種不同的表情，有憤怒、憂鬱、悲傷、猶疑…等各種負面的表情。研究這些隱藏的表情，可以找出一個人心理的問題，也可以用來衡量一個人心理健康的狀況。
一個左右臉不平衡的人，很容易患各種不同的慢性病，而這些慢性病，如果不從情緒調整做起，單從生理上是很難有好的進展。
A really good quote.
“Know thyself – and thou shall know all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe. “
When the math professor’s wife returns home from work, she finds an envelope on the living room table. She opens it and finds a letter from her husband:
When the professor returns from the hotel shortly before midnight, he also finds an envelope in the living room. He opens it and reads:
P.S. As a mathematician, you are certainly aware of the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don’t stay up and wait for me.
Ever had the experience of things reminding you about someone and you start to miss that person really really bad until it hurts?
When these things happens to me……It hurts more than most people……because i can always recall everything that happened. Sometimes I wish I can be like those people who can forget everything.
A
Well……22 now.
Any new DHA ( dreams, hopes, aspirations)? Don’t know yet……but definitely a lot of changes wanted.
strangely enough…….a thought come up……”Is expecting people to remember my birthday a good thing?? “
If you expect them to remember… then in some ways you are expecting or hoping that they will do something (saying happy birthday still counts)….Is that always a good thing?
I am settling with the opposite……the good thing is that you won’t get disappointed in those people you care, and If they do remember…… you got something to be happy about.
I am fairly happy this year……thanks for the msgs!
A
Ever tried preparing for a presentation when you haven’t done anything?
This is what I am going to do tomorrow…… I think it is time to ask myself “How do I get out of this….ALIVE?”
Thesis Topic: “Population Dependent Branching Process Without Family Inbreeding”
If you know what that means…..feel free to find me….!
Off to do some real work now…
A
When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see?
I sometimes see a tormented soul with a restless mind.
“Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.” -Plato
Looks like my soul talked too much and got a sore throat.
I think I just had my worst exam in all of my uni days today……
Analysis of Hierarchical Data ….I guess you and I both should just take some time off and give each other some time and space……maybe we can be friends in the future…….
Oh well….I know i won’t fail…..(or will I?) …..But it is time to move on….
Next Battle…..Statistical Inference…….
Al
Stuck in my office, drained…….
Did I make a wrong choice in honours?
Why am I hating all the things that I am doing now?
Some of my friends might know that i have a strong negative feeling towards computers. Even though i use a lot of computer/statistical programs on a daily basis, but i hated using them very much. I think this unexplained hatred is the reason why i didn’t even consider learning high level of computing in uni and avoided computer programing classes like the plague. I know it’s useful…..but i just cant get myself interested……so sometimes i just hate dealing them at all.
Yesterday my laptop started going nuts…..along the way i started going nuts together with the laptop……in the end it took hours to get it going again….(Thanks James!), but some programs and some data base were lost…..and the biggest problem is that i don’t even know what files i lost……..
Feeling really annoyed at the moment …….Le’s just hope my laptop will last until this year…….
Religions tell us to humble ourselves….I think it is a good idea….but sometimes you don’t need religion to humble ourselves…..
All you need is some astronomy pictures that can show how small we are when we compare ourselves with the universe. (sometimes our own solar system is enough!) They are real pictures that i collected from NASA pictures database over the years. Feel free to download them.
(Click to see full size)
Saturn Vs Earth Real Size
Solar System Size comparison
Uni has started…settling into a completely new system.
Teaching, Consulting, Normal Classes…..on top of that I still need to fit my fencing into my new timetable…..ARGHHHH…!!!
Surprisingly Hard….maybe i lack some discipline …..after all these years of slacking off……I am paying the price now I guess.
NEW Plan of the month: Lose weight!
Yes….a whole 10 kg of it…… yes…..very challenging! Hrm….I guess it has 2 goals….rebuild some discipline into my life and actually get my fitness better than ever before.
So Let the training begin!
well, totally sleep deprived today….i still don’t know how i can survive with only 1 hour of sleep……after the intensive housework up until 6 am in the morning…i just hope that i can have a good night sleep tonight…
After a small self psychoanalysis session, i guess i am finally free…i guess one of my biggest inner demons is finally gone. I guess my mind can finally work at a more efficient pace and i don’t have to deal with disturbing thoughts coming in all the time (i hope……and yes i can do therapy sessions…call me if u are interested)
Well…lets see…The next few days will be quite busy……Currently i am just overwhelmed with all the admin stuff for my honours / tutoring stuff… mum is coming back …(need to clean up the house)..need to finish off my summer project….
Hrm….i nearly forgot my assignment for fencing…..time to get things going…
